I'm going to be 20 this month. It's making me think a lot, of what I want, what I have, what I've been working towards...

I love drawing? Yes, I love it...But where the heck am I going with it? A good friend of mine's been encouraging me to work harder to get myself out there, and better known. He gave me so many pointers and great advice from his own experience walking down the same road. But I feel so... Pointless. I work so hard to make good quality work (fail) hoping someone will notice me, and get some appreciation. Perhaps that is rather "gimme gimme" but it's what I have worked for for 6 years, I WANT to make this my living. I want to be known for being something great..

Thinking about it now, that's why I started drawing in the first place. I wanted to be noticed. I was always pretty shy and stand offish, and this was a way I could impress while still hiding within my comfort zone.

I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere, and that's an awful feeling. I need a new direction, but I don't know how to accomplish that.

Lately I don't have the drive to pick up a pencil. Seriously I haven't done a sketch worth talking about probably all year. I have done some photoshop work, but that somehow seems unreal to me. A good'ol cheap #2 dollar store pencil is where it all began. I wish I had that kind of excitement again. I was so proud of a finished drawing back then, in the simpler days.

Again thinking...truth in the matter is I never wanted anything more back then, but to be noticed. Now I find myself wanting to make money off my work. I think that exhausts my mind.

I can't even blame this on lack of time, as I am wasting plenty writing this..I only hope someone will say something to help me out of this pit I've dug beneath my own two feet.

~Thisismylife